The Astonishing Color of After

The Astonishing Color of After

By: Emily X. R. Pan
Narrated by Stephanie Hsu
Release date: 20 March 2018
Listening length: 11 hours, 52 minutes
My review: five out of 5 stars

"Emily X.R. Pan's brilliantly crafted, harrowing first novel portrays the vast spectrum of love and grief with heart-wrenching beauty and candor. This is a very special book." (John Green, best-selling author of The Fault in Our Stars and Turtles All the Way Down)

A stunning, heartbreaking debut novel about grief, love, and family, perfect for fans of Jandy Nelson and Celeste Ng.

Leigh Chen Sanders is absolutely certain about one thing: When her mother died by suicide, she turned into a bird.

Leigh, who is half Asian and half white, travels to Taiwan to meet her maternal grandparents for the first time. There, she is determined to find her mother, the bird. In her search, she winds up chasing after ghosts, uncovering family secrets, and forging a new relationship with her grandparents. And as she grieves, she must try to reconcile the fact that on the same day she kissed her best friend and longtime secret crush, Axel, her mother was taking her own life.

Alternating between real and magic, past and present, friendship and romance, hope and despair, The Astonishing Color of After is a stunning and heartbreaking novel about finding oneself through family history, art, grief, and love.

This book was so powerful for me. Most of my life, I've suffered with depression and though it isn't as severe as Leigh's mother's, suicide is something that is a concern. I loved that Leigh imagined her mother had changed into a bird. The fact that the bird was red is something that connected me to the story even more. My mom's favorite color was red and so anytime I see things in that vibrant shade, I am reminded of her. Leigh is just looking for answers. In Taiwan, she gets to meet her maternal grandparents. Due to the language gap, it is hard for her to communicate. 

I loved this story. Its beautiful imagery had me picturing even more in my head when reading. The way that all the little things tied together, just icing on the cake. 

One Italian Summer

One Italian Summer 

By: Rebecca Serle

Narrated by: Lauren Graham

Listening Length: 6 hours, 21 minutes 

Publication date: March 1, 2022 

My review: 4.5 out of 5 stars 

INSTANT NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER

“[A] magical trip worth taking.” —Associated Press

“Rebecca Serle is a maestro of love in all its forms.” —Gabrielle Zevin, New York Times bestselling author

The New York Times bestselling author of In Five Years returns with a powerful novel about the transformational love between mothers and daughters set on the breathtaking Amalfi Coast.

When Katy’s mother dies, she is left reeling. Carol wasn’t just Katy’s mom, but her best friend and first phone call. She had all the answers and now, when Katy needs her the most, she is gone. To make matters worse, their planned mother-daughter trip of a lifetime looms: to Positano, the magical town where Carol spent the summer right before she met Katy’s father. Katy has been waiting years for Carol to take her, and now she is faced with embarking on the adventure alone.

But as soon as she steps foot on the Amalfi Coast, Katy begins to feel her mother’s spirit. Buoyed by the stunning waters, beautiful cliffsides, delightful residents, and, of course, delectable food, Katy feels herself coming back to life.

And then Carol appears—in the flesh, healthy, sun-tanned, and thirty years old. Katy doesn’t understand what is happening, or how—all she can focus on is that she has somehow, impossibly, gotten her mother back. Over the course of one Italian summer, Katy gets to know Carol, not as her mother, but as the young woman before her. She is not exactly who Katy imagined she might be, however, and soon Katy must reconcile the mother who knew everything with the young woman who does not yet have a clue.

Rebecca Serle’s next great love story is here, and this time it’s between a mother and a daughter. With her signature “heartbreaking, redemptive, and authentic” (Jamie Ford, New York Times bestselling author) prose, Serle has crafted a transcendent novel about how we move on after loss, and how the people we love never truly leave us.

For anyone who has lost their mom, this book is going to hit the heartstrings. I feel like Serle must have been through a loss like that, to have written so knowingly about it. The first chapters, of Katy describing the first days and weeks after her mother's passing felt so familiar, it was like looking at my own history. How I wish I could have had an Italian beach vacation to meet her younger self on. Unfortunately, I did not, but I did have this book to listen to and remember the times with my own mother as Katy remembered her own mom.

Katy travels to the Amalfi coast of Italy to remember her mom and hopefully find herself. What she finds is her 30 year old mother and has no idea how. It is a beautiful story of a young woman's grieving and the journey to find a way through it. I absolutely loved this book and plan on buying myself either the kindle book or a hard copy so I can highlight some of my favorite quotes and parts.

When Breath Becomes Air

When Breath Becomes Air

By Paul Kalanithi 

Narrated by: Sunil Malhotra

231 pages

Published January 12, 2016

My review: 4.25 stars out of 5 stars

#1 NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER - PULITZER PRIZE FINALIST - This inspiring, exquisitely observed memoir finds hope and beauty in the face of insurmountable odds as an idealistic young neurosurgeon attempts to answer the question What makes a life worth living?

NAMED ONE OF PASTE'S BEST MEMOIRS OF THE DECADE - NAMED ONE OF THE BEST BOOKS OF THE YEAR BY The New York Times Book Review - People - NPR - The Washington Post - Slate - Harper's Bazaar - Time Out New York - Publishers Weekly - BookPage

Finalist for the PEN Center USA Literary Award in Creative Nonfiction and the Books for a Better Life Award in Inspirational Memoir

At the age of thirty-six, on the verge of completing a decade's worth of training as a neurosurgeon, Paul Kalanithi was diagnosed with stage IV lung cancer. One day he was a doctor treating the dying, and the next he was a patient struggling to live. And just like that, the future he and his wife had imagined evaporated. When Breath Becomes Air chronicles Kalanithi's transformation from a na ve medical student "possessed," as he wrote, "by the question of what, given that all organisms die, makes a virtuous and meaningful life" into a neurosurgeon at Stanford working in the brain, the most critical place for human identity, and finally into a patient and new father confronting his own mortality.

What makes life worth living in the face of death? What do you do when the future, no longer a ladder toward your goals in life, flattens out into a perpetual present? What does it mean to have a child, to nurture a new life as another fades away? These are some of the questions Kalanithi wrestles with in this profoundly moving, exquisitely observed memoir.

Paul Kalanithi died in March 2015, while working on this book, yet his words live on as a guide and a gift to us all. "I began to realize that coming face to face with my own mortality, in a sense, had changed nothing and everything," he wrote. "Seven words from Samuel Beckett began to repeat in my head: 'I can't go on. I'll go on.'" When Breath Becomes Air is an unforgettable, life-affirming reflection on the challenge of facing death and on the relationship between doctor and patient, from a brilliant writer who became both.

This is just a beautiful story about a doctor who goes from his job of being a neurosurgeon (nearly done with his residency) to being a cancer patient, one with stage 4 lung cancer. 

It is sad, but it is also a moving story about the relationship between doctors and patients. The way that changes when you are the doctor and how that makes treatment different (or the same). You hear at the end from his wife and I thought that was just a beautiful touch.

How To Be Brave

Although I was given an advanced copy of this book in return for my honest review, all opinions remain my own.

This book is a fictional young adult novel. It is from the viewpoint of Georgia, a high school senior who recently lost her mom, trying to figure out how to "be brave" as her mother told her to do. 

It goes back and forth between the story and memories. The memories are all in a more poetic format, broken short lines. I found it a refreshing break between the story of her senior year.

Set in Chicago, most of this story revolves around Georgia and best friend Liss and new found friend Evelyn. It also involves a bit with Georgia's father and classmates. I found the characters very relate-able and easy to understand. Being that Georgia had recently lost her mom, she became a character I was very attached to, able to relate to and understood what she was going through.

I think at it's core, this book is about making mistakes and learning from them and finding a way to live each day bravely.

As I mentioned above, having recently lost her mother, Georgia's story really got to me. There were parts of this book that were hard for me to read, it almost felt like the author was there when my mom died. This made the book really emotional to me.

There are a few parts of this book that I wanted to remember and also share, parts that really touched me. This is a part of Georgia's memory of her mom's final days.

And then, in the CCU that last time:
the glare of the cold white walls from the long fluorescent bulb that fell hard against her grey skin against the cold metal and plastic wires.
The mask on her face the steady, careful pulse of machines, monitors,
mechanical boxes that lived for her that sustained whatever was left.
Her body was broken.
She was like a butchered animal with her arms limp and her chest heaving with the push of the machine.
Her eyelids shifting, her feet trembling.
Automatic responses, they're called.
I wonder what was there, inside, the moments before her heart stopped.
I wonder if she could hear what I said how sorry I was just so deeply sorry.

This memory of Georgia's was so like my own that I actually had to stop reading for a while. The memories I have of that time with my mom were awful. Just thinking about another person going through that, made me feel a little less alone. Even though realistically I know that this is a fictional character. The author's insight was just so vivid. It was remarkable and a very life like story.

Life without mom is a little like that. At first, it was all pain and tears. Every day was hard. I'd wake up and the sun was there, still shining in the sky, but the world didn't make sense anymore. Then little by little... that pain faded even more. I cried only once a week instead of every day. And then I stopped crying. I moved forward.

Again, so much like my own experience that it gave me pause. Made me think of how much I have moved forward.

The book ends with this statement from Georgia:
I'm doing it all, mom. Even more than you could have ever imagined.
For me, and for you.

Again echos how I am feeling now. I want to live my life to it's fullest for me and for mom.

This book is a must read. Even if you haven't suffered a loss like me, I feel it gives you an insight into what grief really feels like. Georgia is forced to basically do it on your own. By reading this book, I feel like it gives you a little more of an idea of how someone might be feeling. There is so much more going on in people's lives, you need to stop and pay attention, give them grace. We all make mistakes, we also all need to learn how to move on and learn from them.

How to be Brave

An emotional contemporary YA novel about love, loss, and having the courage to chase the life you truly want.

Reeling from her mother's death, Georgia has a choice: become lost in her own pain, or enjoy life right now, while she still can. She decides to start really living for the first time and makes a list of fifteen ways to be brave - all the things she's wanted to do but never had the courage to try. As she begins doing the things she's always been afraid to do - including pursuing her secret crush, she discovers that life doesn't always go according to plan. Sometimes friendships fall apart and love breaks your heart. But once in a while, the right person shows up just when you need them most - and you learn that you're stronger and braver than you ever imagined.

I was given an advanced copy of this book in return for my honest review. All opinions are my own.

My rating: five of five stars

This book is a fictional young adult novel. It is from the viewpoint of Georgia, a high school senior who recently lost her mom, trying to figure out how to "be brave" as her mother told her to do. It goes back and forth between the story and memories. The memories are all in a more poetic format, broken short lines. I found it a refreshing break between the story of her senior year.

Set in Chicago, most of this story revolves around Georgia and best friend Liss and new found friend Evelyn. It also involves a bit with Georgia's father and classmates. I found the characters very relate-able and easy to understand. Being that Georgia had recently lost her mom, she became a character I was very attached to, able to relate to and understood what she was going through.

I think at it's core, this book is about making mistakes and learning from them and finding a way to live each day bravely.

As I mentioned above, having recently lost her mother, Georgia's story really got to me. There were parts of this book that were hard for me to read, it almost felt like the author was there when my mom died. This made the book really emotional to me.

There are a few parts of this book that I wanted to remember and also share, parts that really touched me. This is a part of Georgia's memory of her mom's final days.

And then, in the CCU that last time: the glare of the cold white walls from the long fluorescent bulb that fell hard against her grey skin against the cold metal and plastic wires.

The mask on her face the steady, careful pulse of machines, monitors, mechanical boxes that lived for her that sustained whatever was left. 

Her body was broken. 

She was like a butchered animal with her arms limp and her chest heaving with the push of the machine. 

Her eyelids shifting, her feet trembling. 

Automatic responses, they're called. 

I wonder what was there, inside, the moments before her heart stopped. 

I wonder if she could hear what I said how sorry I was just so deeply sorry.

This memory of Georgia's was so like my own that I actually had to stop reading for a while. The memories I have of that time with my mom were awful. Just thinking about another person going through that, made me feel a little less alone. Even though realistically I know that this is a fictional character. The author's insight was just so vivid. It was remarkable and a very life like story.

Life without mom is a little like that. At first, it was all pain and tears. Every day was hard. I'd wake up and the sun was there, still shining in the sky, but the world didn't make sense anymore. Then little by little... that pain faded even more. I cried only once a week instead of every day. And then I stopped crying. I moved forward.

Again, so much like my own experience that it gave me pause. Made me think of how much I have moved forward.

The book ends with this statement from Georgia:
I'm doing it all, mom. Even more than you could have ever imagined.
For me, and for you.

Again echoes how I am feeling now. I want to live my life to it's fullest for me and for mom.

This book is a must read. Even if you haven't suffered a loss like me, I feel it gives you an insight into what grief really feels like. Georgia is forced to basically do it on your own. By reading this book, I feel like it gives you a little more of an idea of how someone might be feeling. There is so much more going on in people's lives, you need to stop and pay attention, give them grace. We all make mistakes, we also all need to learn how to move on and learn from them.