Hold Still

Hold Still 

by Nina LaCour

Narrated by Emma Galvin 

Published October 20, 2009

Listening time: 6 hours and 16 minutes

My review 4 stars out of 5 

The award-winning first novel from the best-selling author of We Are Okay. For fans of 13 Reasons Why.

In the wake of her best friend Ingrid's suicide, Caitlin is left alone, struggling to find hope and answers. When she finds the journal Ingrid left behind for her, she begins a journey of understanding and broadening her horizons that leads her to new friendships and first love. Nina LaCour brings the changing seasons of Caitlin's first year without Ingrid to life with emotion, honesty, and captivating writing.

When Caitlin's best friend dies by suicide, she is left with all the usual questions and feelings. This book is about how she struggles through the next year. Figuring out how to go on without Ingrid. This book just tugged at my heart strings. I remember vividly loosing a friend in high school, it was not suicide and we had more answers then Caitlin. 

This was a difficult book to listen to, but I think it is important. Suicide is the second leading cause of death of teenagers. This book felt real to me, like I was reading the real account of a girl trying to cope with the loss of her friend. Her feelings trying to work through what she was going through. This would be an excellent book for anyone to read, especially someone who is dealing with a teenager who might be in this kind of situation, allow yourself to see the world as they might be seeing it right now. And as always, know that there are ears to listen, anytime you need to talk. 988 is always available weather you are in a mental health crisis or not.

We Are All So Good At Smiling

We Are All So Good At Smiling

By Amber McBride 

Audiobook read by the author

Published January 10, 2023 

My review 4.5 stars out of 5

They Both Die at the End meets The Bell Jar in this haunting, beautiful young adult novel-in-verse about clinical depression and healing from trauma, from National Book Award Finalist Amber McBride.

Whimsy is back in the hospital for treatment of clinical depression. When she meets a boy named Faerry, she recognizes they both have magic in the marrow of their bones. And when Faerry and his family move to the same street, the two start to realize that their lifelines may have twined and untwined many times before.

They are both terrified of the forest at the end of Marsh Creek Lane.

The Forest whispers to Whimsy. The Forest might hold the answers to the part of Faerry he feels is missing. They discover the Forest holds monsters, fairy tales, and pain that they have both been running from for 11 years.

This entire book is a metaphor for the fight that one has with their mental health. It is a beautiful story and one I can see sharing with my daughters. We are all fighting some kind of battle, even if it isn't against an actual mental health diagnosis.

There were two quotes that jumped out at me from this story. They might not be transcribed perfectly as I was listening while working. The first one is from around 14% in the book:

A rough day, a bad year -- does not equal a bad life.

It is a good reminder to stick on your mirror or in your phone to see every day.

 
The second one was around 53% of the way through:

Faerry points at my neck, "Sorrow left its fingerprints on you, it always does, doesn't it?"

Another one that makes you think of your own life, of the things that leave fingerprints on you.

I listened to this audiobook read by the author. It has a great note after by her as well as some resources. I would love to take a quick look at a hard copy just to see it. It is a beautiful cover.

Thirteen Reasons Why

You can’t stop the future.
You can’t rewind the past.
The only way to learn the secret . . . is to press play.

Clay Jensen returns home from school to find a strange package with his name on it lying on his porch. Inside he discovers several cassette tapes recorded by Hannah Baker–his classmate and crush–who committed suicide two weeks earlier. Hannah’s voice tells him that there are thirteen reasons why she decided to end her life. Clay is one of them. If he listens, he’ll find out why.

Clay spends the night crisscrossing his town with Hannah as his guide. He becomes a firsthand witness to Hannah’s pain, and as he follows Hannah’s recorded words throughout his town, what he discovers changes his life forever.

TW: Suicide, minor alcohol consumption, sexual violence

I don't even know how to rate this... Suicide is a very real problem in this county (and the world). According to the CDC there is one death by suicide every 11 minutes. 

Even knowing all the signs, somehow everyone in Hannah's life didn't see what she was feeling. The further I got in the story, the more I saw the warning signs (often pointed out by the narrator, Clay) but it was all too late. 

You read Hannah's story through tapes. Tapes she recorded in the last days of her life, telling her 13 reasons why. Its easy to see how this teen girl felt so trapped by life that suicide felt like the only way out.

If you are experiencing difficult thoughts call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255

You can even text if phone calls aren't your thing, Text HOME to 741741 - available in the US anytime.

You can even contact the above if you are concerned about someone else. They have resources and can give advice.

I gave this four out of five stars on goodreads 

TW: cheating, death, family separation, forced pregnancy, hanging, oppressive government, prostitution, rape, sexism 

I don't know what I though this book was going to be, but this wasn't it. I guess I was thinking it was more "old timey" but this is like a look at a future possibility of the world. Scary! Not sure if I will continue this series or not. If I do, I think I will pick up the actual book versus listening. I didn't love the narrator's voice. 

I gave this book three stars on goodreads.

TW: I can't think of any, it does have cross-dressing in it. It brings up the question of gender identity. 

I loved this graphic novel. It is a classic story told in a beautiful new way. I borrowed this book from my local library but plan on buying a copy for my bookshelf at home. BEAUTIFUL! 

I gave this FIVE stars on goodreads.

TW: Rape, suicide, war, death, cancer. 

Although it is a work of fiction, you can sometimes lose yourself so much in the story that you forget. I can imagine this kind of story happens every day... It was so real I often had to remind myself it was a work of fiction. I wanted to know where are they now?? But, they aren't. They aren't real. 

I can see why this book is on the list. Some of the scenes are quite graphic, including the sexual assault of a child by other children. Still don't agree with the "decision" because it is the life some children are living. 

TW: Ableism, alcoholism, underage drinking, bullying, child abuse and marijuana use. 

I read Eleanor and Park in February of 2017. Here is my review from then: The ONLY thing I didn't love about this book was the ending. Felt like I was ripped off when I got so involved in the characters lives.

This is another of the books that jumps back and forth viewpoints between Eleanor (awkward, poor new girl) and Park. At first, it is just the story of the two of their lives and how they circled around each other. From the first pages, I had a feeling there was something deeper then Eleanor was letting out, but that info wasn't revealed until late in the book.

Loved this story. Love that it wasn't a perfect "love story" or even a perfect story. Love almost every page of this book.

Gave this book four stars on goodreads. 

This post partially inspired by: 

The Homehoming

By: Stacie Ramey
Overall review: ☆☆☆1/2
Forced to return to his estranged family, John discovers how hard it is to truly go home.

It's been a year since John lost his girlfriend, Leah, to suicide. Living with his uncle keeps his mind from the tragedy and his screwed up family-until he gets into trouble and a judge sends him back home. With a neglectful mother and abusive brother, John's homecoming is far from happy.

As he tries to navigate and repair the relationships he abandoned years ago, Emily, the girl next door, is the only bright spot. She's sweet and smart and makes him think his heart may finally be healing. But tragedy isn't far away, and John must soon face an impossible decision: save his family or save himself.

Although I received an advanced copy of this ebook from the publisher, all opinions remain my own.

Amazing how the books I read seem to almost apply to my life.

In this book, John is forced to return to his estranged family. What I found relate-able was his coping method. He wanted to just find a way to pretend the problems didn't exist for him. 

The way he is almost running from the suicide of his girlfriend is so real to me. I imagine if someone I love killed themselves, I would find fault in myself somehow. Not only is he running from that, he is running from his family. He believes that the accident that caused his brother's disability is his fault, even thinks his mom and dad believe that. 

By the end of the book, I was in tears because he realizes no one is thinking that.

One quote toward the end really jumped out at me: I lower my voice, try to keep calm. "Five seconds of our life should not dictate the rest."

Isn't that one to live by!?

Remember to Forget

In Remember to Forget from Watty Award-winning author Ashley Royer, Levi has refused to speak since the tragic death of his girlfriend, Delia, and can't seem to come out of his depression and hindering self-doubt. Desperate to make some positive change in Levi’s life, his mother sends him to live with his father in Maine. Though the idea of moving from Australia to America seems completely daunting, Levi passively accepts his fate, but once he lands faces personal struggles and self-doubt at the same time he and his dad battle through resentment and misunderstanding. And then, while at therapy, Levi meets Delilah, a girl who eerily reminds him of someone he lost.

I received a copy of this ebook in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own.

This book is about a boy, so overwhelmed by grief, that he no longer talks. 

At first I thought he was just being a spoiled child. How could he have been so in love with another person at such a young age. But the more I got to reading, the more I saw how much his life had been impacted. This story isn't so much about his loss, but about the road he took through his grief. 

I feel like I'm still on that road so many of the things he was thinking really rang true for me as well. I think that's why I loved the book so much.

How to be Brave

An emotional contemporary YA novel about love, loss, and having the courage to chase the life you truly want.

Reeling from her mother's death, Georgia has a choice: become lost in her own pain, or enjoy life right now, while she still can. She decides to start really living for the first time and makes a list of fifteen ways to be brave - all the things she's wanted to do but never had the courage to try. As she begins doing the things she's always been afraid to do - including pursuing her secret crush, she discovers that life doesn't always go according to plan. Sometimes friendships fall apart and love breaks your heart. But once in a while, the right person shows up just when you need them most - and you learn that you're stronger and braver than you ever imagined.

I was given an advanced copy of this book in return for my honest review. All opinions are my own.

My rating: five of five stars

This book is a fictional young adult novel. It is from the viewpoint of Georgia, a high school senior who recently lost her mom, trying to figure out how to "be brave" as her mother told her to do. It goes back and forth between the story and memories. The memories are all in a more poetic format, broken short lines. I found it a refreshing break between the story of her senior year.

Set in Chicago, most of this story revolves around Georgia and best friend Liss and new found friend Evelyn. It also involves a bit with Georgia's father and classmates. I found the characters very relate-able and easy to understand. Being that Georgia had recently lost her mom, she became a character I was very attached to, able to relate to and understood what she was going through.

I think at it's core, this book is about making mistakes and learning from them and finding a way to live each day bravely.

As I mentioned above, having recently lost her mother, Georgia's story really got to me. There were parts of this book that were hard for me to read, it almost felt like the author was there when my mom died. This made the book really emotional to me.

There are a few parts of this book that I wanted to remember and also share, parts that really touched me. This is a part of Georgia's memory of her mom's final days.

And then, in the CCU that last time: the glare of the cold white walls from the long fluorescent bulb that fell hard against her grey skin against the cold metal and plastic wires.

The mask on her face the steady, careful pulse of machines, monitors, mechanical boxes that lived for her that sustained whatever was left. 

Her body was broken. 

She was like a butchered animal with her arms limp and her chest heaving with the push of the machine. 

Her eyelids shifting, her feet trembling. 

Automatic responses, they're called. 

I wonder what was there, inside, the moments before her heart stopped. 

I wonder if she could hear what I said how sorry I was just so deeply sorry.

This memory of Georgia's was so like my own that I actually had to stop reading for a while. The memories I have of that time with my mom were awful. Just thinking about another person going through that, made me feel a little less alone. Even though realistically I know that this is a fictional character. The author's insight was just so vivid. It was remarkable and a very life like story.

Life without mom is a little like that. At first, it was all pain and tears. Every day was hard. I'd wake up and the sun was there, still shining in the sky, but the world didn't make sense anymore. Then little by little... that pain faded even more. I cried only once a week instead of every day. And then I stopped crying. I moved forward.

Again, so much like my own experience that it gave me pause. Made me think of how much I have moved forward.

The book ends with this statement from Georgia:
I'm doing it all, mom. Even more than you could have ever imagined.
For me, and for you.

Again echoes how I am feeling now. I want to live my life to it's fullest for me and for mom.

This book is a must read. Even if you haven't suffered a loss like me, I feel it gives you an insight into what grief really feels like. Georgia is forced to basically do it on your own. By reading this book, I feel like it gives you a little more of an idea of how someone might be feeling. There is so much more going on in people's lives, you need to stop and pay attention, give them grace. We all make mistakes, we also all need to learn how to move on and learn from them.

The Sister Pact

A suicide pact was supposed to keep them together, but a broken promise tore them apart
Allie is devastated when her older sister commits suicide - and not just because she misses her. Allie feels betrayed. The two made a pact that they'd always be together, in life, and in death, but Leah broke her promise and Allie needs to know why.

Her parents hover. Her friends try to support her. And Nick, sweet Nick, keeps calling and flirting. Their sympathy only intensifies her grief.

But the more she clings to Leah, the more secrets surface. Allie's not sure which is more distressing: discovering the truth behind her sister's death or facing her new reality without her.

I received a copy of this e-book in return for my honest review. All opinions are my own.

My rating: four out of five stars

This book was a tough read for me. It is about a girl who's sister commits suicide. While it looks to everyone else like she is just coping with the loss, what she is really struggling with is the fact that her sister did it without her. They had a suicide pact.

My current struggles with depression and my experiences with family with extensive mental health issues made this book really hard for me. My heart hurt to read about poor Allie trying to figure out how to go on without her sister, really struck a cord with me. Allie slowly learns things about her sister, things that her sister kept hidden behind her façade of being a "perfect" person. I love that Allie used her art as a way to express her grief. The characters were all very easy to relate to and understand.

Allie's struggle with an addiction to over the counter and prescription medications is a very real problem in today's culture. Its hard finding the right words to adequately describe how I felt about this book. While I did like the book overall, it was hard to read. Hard to see someone struggling. Hard to read about someone coping with a loss as big as a sister's suicide.

Overall this one gets four of five stars. I will say, I wouldn't recommend this book for the younger high school kids. Personally I wouldn't want my girls to read it until they were older, just a little too deep I think. Just a personal note.

Penelope Perfect

By:Shannon Anderson

Illustrated by: Katie Kath

Overall rating ☆☆☆☆

“I’d never been late for anything. I just knew this would be a bad day.”When Penelope oversleeps, her daily routine gets thrown for a loop. From wearing mismatched socks to receiving her first-ever “B,” will “Penelope Perfect” survive this imperfect day?
This encouraging story told in cheerful rhyme will speak to kids who deal with perfectionism or other forms of anxiety. The book concludes with tips and information to help parents, teachers, counselors, and other adults foster dialogue with children about overcoming perfectionism and coping when things don’t go according to plan.

I requested this book because of the description. I am one of those perfectionists. As a child I was one that wanted to do it just right or didn't want to do it at all. I could have used this book. Penelope tries her hardest to be perfect all the time, but one day she oversleeps. That "imperfect day" made her see that she could still have a good day even if it wasn't perfect. This book gets four of five stars. I really enjoyed it and thought it was a great story for kids to read, especially those who are the perfectionist type.